A couple of readers e-mailed me privately about The dance inside my head, wondering if I was OK. I’m fine, but very, very tired. If I was facing the decision to re-enlist today, I would have to say no. I’m doing the work of three people at a pace that is unsustainable. Much like the air conditioners here, I am being worked to my limits and will eventually break down without some TLC. It seems to me that we could use about twice as many staffers as we have to get the job done.
The expectations placed on us here are sometimes appallingly unrealistic. Perhaps this is because of a disconnect between leadership perceptions and the reality of the situation. I don’t kick in doors and I don’t get shot at by snipers. I have air conditioning (most of the time) and I’m not hauling sandbags all day. I can understand why some people would think that means I live on easy street.
Such is not the case. Sitting in a chair for 12-14 hours a day over the last nine months solving technical problems has exhausted me. Every day I have to battle bureaucracy to get my job done. Most of the fights I am involved in are against my own organization. I need more bandwidth, better computers, battery backups, more staff, less paperwork and so on ad infinitum. These things are hard to fight for when you are a buck sergeant surrounded by field grade and higher officers. My battles are even harder to fight for because I am already so busy that most days getting the bare minimum done is a minor miracle. No one I report to truly understands the technical details of what it is that I do. They see the end result but do not really grasp the steps and resources it took to achieve that result.
I’m a minor cog in a very large, incredibly complex machine. I don’t mind that role but I wish that I was getting a little more attention from the maintenance men. As a soldier and an NCO, I do the best I can but lately I’ve been feeling fairly jaded. The Army may not be stretched thin but I sure think I am.