My Living Will – Stolen from Stan, who stole it from elsewhere
I am not the author of this, but it describes my feelings pretty well.
I, Stan the New American Revolutionist Trevor L. Snyder, being of (somewhat) sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial means – unless of course, my quality of life is within the realm of acceptable to me. If you can’t ask me, then it’s not, jackasses.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of peckerwood ethically challenged politicians who couldn’t pass ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask for a cold beer, it should be presumed that I won’t ever get better. A reasonable amount of time should be decided by my wife, Barb and not anyone else, including fat judges, dishonest lawyers, empty headed media pundits and other parasites.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse, children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes and call it a day so that I can be placed in cold storage, according to my wishes.
Under no circumstances shall the hypocritical members of the Legislature (State or Federal) enact a special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention instead to the health, education and future of the millions of Americans who aren’t in a permanent coma.
Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case. I don’t care how many fundamentalist ignorant turds’ votes they’re trying to scrounge for their run for the presidency, it is my wish that they play politics with someone else’s life and leave me alone to die in peace.
I couldn’t care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don’t know these people, and I certainly haven’t authorized them to preach and crusade on my behalf. They should mind their own business, too, because it’s likely God will punish them for their arrogance in trying to interpret His Divine Will when it comes to the lives of strangers.
If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and make his or her existence a living hell.