I fly much more often than I want too. When I’m lucky, I’m on a private plane. I like flying on private planes because I don’t have to worry about the moo cow security hassles and the overabundance of humanity that are both omnipresent in modern American airports.
Last night, I had the privilege of flying with a highly irritating group of corporate America’s finest sales assholes. The group, who was seated about 5 rows behind me, seemed to consist of about six males and two ladies. The ladies had voices that reminded me of metal being dragged against concrete. They spoke at a decibel level loud enough to ensure that the captain’s announcements could not be heard and laughed at their own jokes.
Apparently (and I couldn’t verify this for myself), they had really large mammaries or some other endearing quality, because the male members of their little group would laugh raucously every time they made an overly loud comment. The comments were not funny, and not even interesting. For instance, the conversation centered around boasting about how little they knew about their company infrastructure for a while.
Then they started talking about getting frisky with one another and randomly laughing together at volumes that vastly exceeded the noise of the plane’s engines.
What I wouldn’t have given for a taser and a badge last night. That was one three hour tour I don’t ever want to repeat. Friendly skies my ass.