Screw You and Your Gratuities

by

[thumb:333:l:l=x]I’ve had it up to my eyeballs with clerks and their tip jars.  I see one on almost every counter with a cash register; coffee shop, delicatessen, gas station you name it.  They’re everywhere.   

I understand being a cash register clerk doesn’t pay well but lets not fool anyone here; it’s one of the easiest jobs in the world.  The service they provide certainly isn’t worthy of my spare change either.

Clerks dont even need to know how to do math anymore.  If you can point an object a wavy red laser; you’re pretty much qualified.  Counting money is a nice pre-requisite but it’s obviously not a requirement.  When’s the last time you didn’t count your change?  I rest my case.

[thumb:334:r:l=x]What ever happened to “Give a penny, take a penny”?  Nothing made me feel happier than dumping off my unwanted change.  I knew someone who needed who get to use it; sparing them the embarrassment of not having enough or holding up the line while they looked for more money.

Now instead of “Give a penny, take a penny” it’s “Your gratuities are always welcome!” or “Tips are appreciated!”.  It’s almost like The Great Clerks Union met and conspired to change “Give a penny, take a penny” to “Tips are always welcome!” 

Their placement is genius though.  If you pay close attention next time you’ll notice the clerk wont reach out and actually hand you the change; no way.  They make you come in for it.

The clerks force you to put your hands out over the gigantic, brightly colored index card scotch-taped the front of a giant glass jar that screams: “I’D REALLY APPRECIATE IT IF YOU’D PUT DROP ALL OF YOUR CHANGE IN THIS JAR WITH ALL THE OTHER GENEROUS PEOPLE’S CHANGE!!  THANKS!!” [thumb:335:l:l=x]

I cant help but feel like a selfish, inhumane scrooge when I jerk the money away and hastily cram it in my pocket as if to I can hide the very act from God himself.

But when I look up at the 17-year-old with the leather gloves, red hair, a blue-tooth ear-piece and black eye-liner who wants me to give him my spare change from the $5 I just shelled out for a cup of coffee; you know what I think?

Screw you and your gratuities.  Want more money? Get a harder job.