- The heat – It was 150 degrees one day this summer. Our air conditioners managed to keep it at 85 inside our trailers when they worked. We had our unit replaced six times while I was here.
- European toilets and plumbing – Waste removal systems aren’t what we take for granted in the U.S. Here in Baghdad, we had to put our toilet paper in a special little trash can because the plumbing would clog if you just flushed it. All the bathrooms had little signs reminding you not to flush your used toilet paper. Better than a port-a-potty, sure, but I had to use those quite frequently too.
- Micromanagement – Any large bureaucracy is top heavy with middle managers. I’ve grown sick to death of having six levels of approval for every task. Any task I would have done in my civilian job took ten times longer in Iraq because of the overmanagement.
- The food – Lots of people rave about our dining facilities. Me – not so much. The variety of menu items left something to be desired. The quality of the ingredients left something to be desired. Not being able to go whenever you want left something to be desired.
- Work pace – Think you’re tired? Our first four months here, I didn’t get a day off. I worked between 12-16 hours a day. Later, when things fell more into a routine, I got one day off a week, sometimes.
- Fun police – The military is filled with this type of petty bureaucrat. You may be an adult, but you certainly won’t often be treated like an adult. You can’t have a beer because you can’t be trusted to drink in moderation. You can’t wear civilian clothes because you’re always on duty. You need a sign in your vehicle window reminding you to wear a seatbelt. At least once a day, someone will send you an e-mail designed to ensure you’re reminded of things you are not allowed to do, or a detailed breakdown of the only approved method of doing something the "Army way." If someone else does something stupid, expect a new policy designed to ensure you don’t have the freedom of choice to repeat that mistake. Need to go to the bathroom? Make sure you grab a buddy to hold your hand and shake it off for you.
- Loud noises – As soon as you drop off to sleep one of the following events will happen: a) Helicopter will fly over at 50 feet above your hooch, shaking you awake b) Suite mates in the room next door will drop a heavy object or jump off the bed, vibrating you awake c) Rocket or mortar will land a few hundred yards away causing you to spring out of bed and run around fully awake d) EOD will explode something they found, booming you awake e) Roommate will turn the TV on, banalizing you awake. f) Big giant voice will announce that the marines will be conducting an exercise and not to react, pointlessly awakening you.
- Just do it – I like things logical. If something doesn’t make sense to me, I don’t like it and don’t want to be involved with it. I question tasks or activities which I don’t fully understand the purpose of. This is my nature. In the Army, you are not supposed to do that. If someone who outranks you says "dig a ditch," then by God you better start digging. I often get hard looks and a raised voice because I don’t just start digging. If I know why I’m putting the ditch there, then I’ll dig with everything I have (if the ditch will do something useful). In my civilian life, I don’t dig a ditch "just because" and that’s the way I like it. I eagerly await digging my next ditch that will do something useful, like draining water away from my garage.
- Unecessary meetings – Meetings are awful unless you’re talking about something you really enjoy or have a great interest in. Meetings where we discuss why Spc. Bumblef**k was late for a formation suck. Meetings to discuss the proper way to wear a uniform or how best to tie your boots are silly. We have e-mail. Use it appropriately. Then there are the endless micromanagement meetings. What did your section do today? What will you be doing tomorrow? How about next week? I’ll give you a hint – we’ll probably be in a meeting you mandated. Enough meetings. Let’s get some work done. Thanks.
- Mandatory fun – The two words don’t go together. Talk about your oxymoron. If I want to play volleyball with you, I will tell you. I’m reminded of being forced to participate in activities I didn’t enjoy back in summer camp when I was thirteen. Now that I’m 35 I don’t really need a do-over. You cannot make someone have fun.
Tune in soon for ten things I will miss about being in Iraq. In the meantime, I wish you a life filled with opportunities to be creative, inventive and most of all independent. Choices are the spice you never notice till someone removes them.